When the Heart Waits – the hidden fertility truth

The Moment I Realized It Might Not Be Easy

Christine: Hi Vera, let’s get straight to the heart of it.
I know you’ve walked your own fertility path…When did you first realize having a child might not be as simple as you’d hoped?

Vera: How much time do we have? (laughter)

Many people think the journey starts when conception doesn’t happen. But the longing — and the pain — often begin much earlier…

For many, it starts with trying to find the right partner. Or trying to agree as a couple to take that next step. In a way, the offer oof “Wish for a Baby” begins there, right? It also includes offers for singles, who are searching for the right support.

Me personally, I always knew I wanted children. That clarity was a kind of emotional safety net in my 20s – which gave me the freedom to focus on my career. But this was also eating up precious time…

In my mid-30s, when my inner clock said, “this is perfect now,” the partner I had didn’t feel a Yes any more to the child. That was destabilizing because we had been clear at start that we wanted a family… So I had to split up for following my dream.

And then it took me until I was 40 to find my current husband and it was clear that we wanted a family.

But then the doctors told us that we had an 8% chance.

“My husband — a mathematician — wanted to leave the clinic immediately."

Emotional Challenges No One Talks About

Christine: What were some of the most difficult emotional challenges you faced during your fertility journey — and how did you cope with them?

Vera:

• The waiting. And more waiting.
• That feeling of being completely out of control — realizing that hard work doesn’t always lead to success.

"I remember holding a baby announcement card in my shaking hands — and just crying. Not from joy, but from heartbreak and longing. From a dream that wouldn’t want to come true for me. For whatever reason."

• That feeling of life being on hold: not taking a new job because you might get pregnant. Not booking that trip because maybe — just maybe — this cycle will work.
• The jealousy. The heartbreak. That moment when your friend tells you she’s pregnant with her third, and you can barely breathe.
• And then the clinic journey. You start full of hope… and suddenly find yourself in a world of hormones, scans, and emotional highs and lows you never imagined.
• Even simple questions like “How are you?” become impossible to answer.
• And if we count the emotional start of the journey — then there’s this too:

"Ending a relationship where I deeply loved the man and wanted children, but he wouldn’t be able to give me an answer — that decision, to walk away for the sake of my dream, was one of the toughest I’ve made."

How did I cope?

Only with very good support. I somehow knew from the beginning: I don’t have to figure this out alone.

I worked with a homoeopath, a private doctor specializing in fertility, a senior coach, and a handful of friends who truly understood where I was.

From Personal Pain to Professional Purpose

Christine: What made you decide to turn that personal struggle into a path of helping others?

Vera: There was this situation that always stayed with me….Once, I opened up to a senior business coach — a woman. I expected understanding… but instead, I felt misunderstood. She had her kids without difficulty and could imagine a life without children. So she couldn’t fully see my pain.

That experience showed me: this journey can’t be understood unless you’ve lived it!

Professionally, I’ve coached leaders in business for many years. Over time, more and more women came to me with topics around fertility or family — and it just deeply touched my heart.

By chance, I had incredible support — people who helped me see light in the darkness, or find the next step forward. They helped me stay grounded and true to my values. So this is what I want my clients to feel too.

Life led me in circles on this fertility path. Looking back, I sometimes wonder if I was meant to walk this path to one day support others on it. (smile)

"My clients don’t have to explain much. I just know where they are."

What We’re Afraid to Say Out Loud

Christine: What’s one thing people going through fertility treatments often feel — but are afraid to say out loud?

Vera:

• They hesitate to say they feel miserable. And left out of the world of people who "have made it."
• It’s hard to answer to friends and family: “We are not okay.” Because they don’t know how to respond. And this leads to awkward situations that don’t help.

"We hear things like: 'Just relax.' 'Go on vacation.' 'Stop trying and it will happen.' And we go silent. Which leads to even more loneliness."

• The path is exhausting — physically, emotionally, financially. It’s like a marathon where the finish line keeps moving.
• And even when there is a positive pregnancy test, there’s often fear. Others think the struggle is over — but instead there is great fear it could be taken away.

That’s where coaching really helps:

• It helps you stay grounded and protect your energy.
• It supports you in dealing with friends and family.
• And it teaches you how to choose joy — even during pregnancy — rather than let fear take over.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Christine: If someone reading is in the middle of this storm right now, what’s one thing you’d want them to hear today?

Vera: I know this is a tough journey that life has placed you on. But you’re not the first to walk it. And you don’t have to walk it alone.

Next to medical help, get emotional support. Choose 2 or 3 good friends and teach them how to “hold you”. Also find someone who knows the terrain. Who can help you move from pain and waiting — to grounded and “at choice” again.

"And if you feel alone or unclear — come to the fair. J You’ll see: there are so many people on the same path and there is so much support. You’re not alone. And there is hope."

? More info and support:

• Fertility Fair Dates & Locations: wishforababy.be
• Vera’s Website: wegweiserbaby.de & Instagram: @wegweiser_baby