Be your own advocate: Taking control of your fertility journey

So much of infertility is outside your control. It’s a medical condition that affects millions worldwide. But one of the very few things in your control, is to advocate for yourself. Not speaking up enough with our IVF specialists is one of my regrets during our journey. And advocating for yourself when people offer you “advice” is also crucial. It helps to protect your mental health. Whenever I was offered unsolicited advice, “You just need to relax”, I would privately get upset but in the moment, I stayed silent. It wasn’t until later on that I spoke up.

When we first started IVF, my knowledge was limited. I trusted in the medical team, and I rarely asked questions. It wasn’t until our fourth cancelled IVF cycle (which I later learned was due to my thin endometrium lining), that a nurse remarked, “Your lining is a bit thin.” This was during a monitoring scan. I had no idea why the lining was important, but her comment made me curious. I started to research, and I quickly learned that the endometrium lining is crucial to falling pregnant. As the wallpaper of the uterus, it becomes thicker with pregnancy so it’s ready to receive an embryo and support the placenta.
 

Knowing this, we raised it with our IVF specialist. She dismissed it. She told us that plenty of people still get pregnant on a thin lining and that it wasn’t an issue. Not convinced, I continued to research, and I discovered that with a lining under 6mm, it was extremely difficult to fall pregnant or sustain a pregnancy. A healthy lining is 10-12mm. My lining was measuring in the 4’s. We promptly booked a second opinion and I’ll be forever grateful we did. Our second IVF specialist immediately diagnosed me with a thin lining and told us that our best chance of having a baby was through gestational surrogacy. And thanks to his diagnosis, and gestational surrogacy, we now have our beautiful son.

How to advocate for yourself:

• Arm yourself with knowledge. Online communities, blogs, books, and podcasts are invaluable in helping to expand your knowledge. And attending events like Wish for a Baby Brussels, are extremely helpful. You’ll get plenty of invaluable information and you’ll have all the specialists under the one roof.

• Join a community. Talk to others going through infertility. Learn from their experiences. The #ttc community on Instagram is a great start. And you’ll meet other people going through the same journey as you at Wish for a Baby Brussels.

• Come prepared to your appointments. Bring a check list of questions. For example – What are the success rates (and for your age)? How many embryos make it to Blastocyst stage? What is egg donation? Sperm donation? What’s PreGenetic Screening (PGS)? There are so many questions you can ask. At Wish for a Baby Brussels, you can book a private appointment with an IVF specialist and ask all your questions.

• Take your time at your appointments. Don’t feel pressured to be rushed out the door. Go through your questions. And don’t stay silent if you don’t feel satisfied with an answer. Fertility treatment is one of the most emotional investments in your life. You have the right to take your time and to ask for clarification on anything you don’t understand.
   
• Get another opinion. Get a second or even third opinion if you think you need it. If we hadn’t got a second opinion, I’m not sure we would have ever had a child.

• Advocate for yourself when you’re offered unsolicited advice. Whenever someone would offer me ‘advice’ I would point out the facts: Infertility is a reproductive disease, a medical condition that impacts millions worldwide. And if I was feeling extra bold: “Relaxing is not a medical cure. Imagine telling someone who has cancer to ‘just relax’ and they would be cured. That would be hurtful and insulting. Infertility should be no different.”